*sigh*

hurt someone yet again

God, I hate it when this happens.

I wish there was some kind of form you had to fill out whenever you give your heart to someone. That would certainly help alot of people like me, who are totally clueless as to when someone falls in love with them.

If there was some form to fill out, then this kind of crap wouldn't happen. You wouldn't suddenly wake up and find yourself in charge of someone's emotions like this, and then have to dissapoint them by telling them you feel differently.

And there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

Goddamnit, I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment. I taste my freedom and I need it like I need oxygen. Not having to take care of anyone except myself is working very well for me at the moment and that's the way I like it.

I'd been seeing the little blonde nymph for a while now, since around March, and to be honest there's always been this feeling at the back of my head telling me that she was getting in way too deep for my tastes.

And now, today, I broke the news to her of the little brunette nymph, and she didn't take it very well.

Christ I hate doing this to people.

The little brunette nymph kindof blindsided me, to be honest. Came out of nowhere about a week ago and said that she was going to stop seeing the other guy in her life. I had to make a choice between her and the little blonde nymph.

I chose the brunette, for many reasons, but primarily because I knew seeing the blonde was bad for both of us in the end. The blonde always had a strange way of approaching me. Conversations seemed to have the distinct flavour of a Go game, and I realised after a while that she wasn't trying to be with me, she was trying to conquer me, find some hidden depth that I wont let other people get to.

I think that was probably the biggest nail in the coffin, that I felt like some conquest instead of just someone who was more intimate than a friend.

The brunette is different to many of the usual girls I see in many ways. She has tattoos, a tongue piercing. She's a liberal, too. Very strange for me.

This should be interesting.