*sigh*

hurt someone yet again

God, I hate it when this happens.

I wish there was some kind of form you had to fill out whenever you give your heart to someone. That would certainly help alot of people like me, who are totally clueless as to when someone falls in love with them.

If there was some form to fill out, then this kind of crap wouldn't happen. You wouldn't suddenly wake up and find yourself in charge of someone's emotions like this, and then have to dissapoint them by telling them you feel differently.

And there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

Goddamnit, I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment. I taste my freedom and I need it like I need oxygen. Not having to take care of anyone except myself is working very well for me at the moment and that's the way I like it.

I'd been seeing the little blonde nymph for a while now, since around March, and to be honest there's always been this feeling at the back of my head telling me that she was getting in way too deep for my tastes.

And now, today, I broke the news to her of the little brunette nymph, and she didn't take it very well.

Christ I hate doing this to people.

The little brunette nymph kindof blindsided me, to be honest. Came out of nowhere about a week ago and said that she was going to stop seeing the other guy in her life. I had to make a choice between her and the little blonde nymph.

I chose the brunette, for many reasons, but primarily because I knew seeing the blonde was bad for both of us in the end. The blonde always had a strange way of approaching me. Conversations seemed to have the distinct flavour of a Go game, and I realised after a while that she wasn't trying to be with me, she was trying to conquer me, find some hidden depth that I wont let other people get to.

I think that was probably the biggest nail in the coffin, that I felt like some conquest instead of just someone who was more intimate than a friend.

The brunette is different to many of the usual girls I see in many ways. She has tattoos, a tongue piercing. She's a liberal, too. Very strange for me.

This should be interesting.

Lessons in Love

wherein I learned to kiss

16 is such an awkward age.

Kids at this point are only really interested in one thing; getting your dick wet. Problem is, for the most part I had about zero experience.

Luckily for me, I went to Stephen Ascot's party one fateful evening in June. The only reason he invited me was because he liked one of the girls in my group, otherwise I was pretty much excluded at the 'popular' crowd's parties.

I've mentioned before that I can sometimes tell within the first two seconds of looking into a girl's eyes whether or not something will happen. It was when I looked into the beautiful blue eyes of a dark haired rocker girl sitting in his room that I knew I was being called to.

She was beautiful, dark hair with a pale complexion and pert red lips to match. Her hands and arms were adorned with tribal jewellery, complimenting the piercings in her ears. Looking down she had large breasts, and a fully formed lower half.

Obviously, this was a girl who is fed by a mother.

I looked back at the TV, and tried to think of a way to engage her, but none came to mind. I could feel her attention on me for the entire evening, and when I could stand it no more I reached out and squeezed her hand, discreetly, so that no-one would see.

She squeezed it back with all her might. I needed no other signals.

Making an announcement that I was off to get drinks, I left the room and with my ears observed behind me. I went down the stairs and heard the door behind me open and close, with small, pensive footsteps follow me into the kitchen. I watched her come through the narrow hallway, and realised that conversation at this point was negligible. We instantly fell into each other's arms and locked in embrace.

Except, an embrace from me at that age consisted of my furiously thrusting and swirling my tongue around inside a girl's mouth, presumably with the aim of playing drums on her tonsils. Almost instantly she pulled away with a confused look on her face, before slowly moving back in for another round of my infamous tongue fencing.

Suddenly, she put her hand on my cheek, stopping me in my tracks and causing my eyes to open in suprise.

I Looked at her and she pulled my head towards her slowly, and embraced me with a slow, sensual, passionate kiss that made the hairs on my arms stand on end. I felt her lips go slowly, so tantalizingly slowly, over my mouth and gently bite the top of my upper lip. My arms went around the back of her waist and my heart began to race. Instantly I slowed down to match her rhythm and I felt I would burst into flame if she kept kissing me this way.

Almost too soon, it was over, as Stephen threw me off her and stormed out of the kitchen. It turns out that he had invited her there for the sole purpose of making his moves on her, and had even gone to the trouble of telling everyone.

Except for me. Guess school rejects weren't perceived as threats by him.

The girl (whose name I have forgotten) stood confused, looked around, blushed, and promptly faded into a crowd of people. Stunned, I walked backwards outside and pretended nothing had happened, my lips still numb from touching such fiery passion.

I walked around after that, but never saw her again. But since that night, I've never forgotten how to properly kiss a girl; by holding their head in my hands, grasping their long hair and slowly but passionately pressing my lips to theirs.

Oh, and sometimes biting their top lip.

'Spring'

sculpture by Victor Issa





My god, she's beautiful. And how on Earth did he make it look so convincingly like she's wearing a negligee? The form, and the face, she's so alive. And what a figure! So sexy, vibrant and embracing.

Truly, this man is a master.

Missing Person

to whom it may concern

If you are a young 19-21 year old girl and were at Egham station on Thursday the 13th of July 2006 at around 6.30pm, please get in touch with me.

You were wearing a beguiling ensemble of a grey overalls that were cut to be shorts instead of full-length legs, and a black and white bikini top. Normally, I would have thought this would look ridiculous, and to describe it in words and not pictures I'm sure is not doing you justice.

Your hair was also interesting, being a dark rooted and platinum blonde, tightened to one side of your head with a scrunchee 80's stylee. Usually, this wouldn't be attractive, but for some reason on you it was utterly blinding.

And all of this is aside from the fact that you were utterly and profoundly gorgeous. Bright eyes sat behind dark eyeshadow and shot through me whenever you looked over.

In case you're reading this and wondering who I am, I was the guy sitting on the other side of the platform who grinned at you sheepishly as your train pulled away, taking you with it.

Chemistry

chain reactions

Many times I’ve read in magazines about men’s favoured pick-up lines, techniques, and general ideas based on attracting and eloping with the opposite sex. I’ve seen it many times before, whereby the guy I know will start talking to the girl about something random or generally inconsequential, and gradually, subtly, he will make the first physical contact. This is usually seen in an innocent brush of the cheek, or even a playful tickle. From there, he will register the response and seek further enticement from the second party until they are both in private or drunk enough to disavow all responsibility.

I contemplated my own approach to the situation, and realised with some surprise that I had none.

Something happens in the moment a girl looks at you, something in her eyes twinkles, and an alarm sounds at the back of your head, and I know I’m in there before I even approach her. The rest of the seduction routine is barely even a formality, a mere Go game, a playful hunt between a fox and a hare that wants to be caught.

This was most strongly demonstrated to me at a party I was at in my late teens, in which I casually glanced over and locked eyes with a most attractive young woman sitting barely 10 metres away. In the millisecond that we shared, I became profoundly aware that I was going to be with her before the night was through. I stole a quick glance back and saw her smiling to herself, blushing from the sudden loss of her guard.

I stood up and walked over to the watering hole, making the necessary moves to attract her attention, and she came over to talk to me. I did the typical routine whereby I strike up casual conversation, get her to laugh , and go in for the first touch. However, in going in to touch her arm, I was somehow overcome by lust and began fondling her breast instead.

Luckily, it was obvious enough to the both of us that we were attracted to one another that she somehow didn't just slap me right there and then, and as she looked up at me, half suprise and half desire, I just grinned and locked lips with her.

God, did that girl give good head.